Always You
by bellaBBblack
Summary: I know you felt what I felt last night.  I don't know how else to make you understand.  I've said everything I've felt, told you every truth, but it's never been enough.
1. Chapter 1 The Thunderstorm

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or these characters.**_

_**Warning: contains strong language and sexual content.**_

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The rain gently drums against the window, the darkness of night slowly fading with the pale gray light that shines into my room.

You shift in your sleep, and I instinctively reach out to pull you closer. You mumble my name softly with your face resting against my chest. I feel my heart slowly breaking as I wrap my arms tighter around you. I wish I could keep you here. I wish I could just press pause. I wish I could make you stay.

My hand traces intricate patterns on the smooth exposed skin of your back as I watch you sleep. You look so incredibly peaceful; the frown lines, watery eyes, and quivering lips are all absent now. Your tangled brown hair is a mess, your face slightly flushed and glowing.

I can't help smirking at that.

I know you felt what I felt last night. I don't know how else to make you understand. I've said everything I've felt, told you every truth, but it's never been enough.

Your lips are parted, and I feel your cool breath tickling my skin. I look down at you. You're so beautiful, so fucking beautiful it hurts me—hurts me to think of you as cold and dead and lifeless.

I run my thumb along the velvety texture of your lower lip and try not to think about anything other than this perfect moment. It might be the only one I get.

I lower my head and chastely kiss your swollen lips, and then, because I can never get enough of you, my lips continue to move slowly across your jaw, down the slope of your neck. I push your hair back, cupping the back of your head and tilting it so more of your flesh is exposed to me.

"_Jake."_ Your breathy whisper stirs something inside me that I'm powerless to fight against. I need you.

My mouth becomes more heated as I kiss down your bare chest, between your perfect breasts. My hand leaves your hair, ghosting over the swell of your breast, and then lower to wrap around your slender waist, my fingers splayed against the small of your back and my thumb stroking the pale, silky skin at your hip.

Your eyes are still closed, but I hear your breath catch when I move below your breast. You know where I'm going. Your beautiful heartbeat picks up its pace. The staccato of its beat is bittersweet. I'd do anything, be anything, give you everything, to keep it going.

I have to reposition our bodies to show you, to prove to you, that this—us—is right, it's the way it's meant to be. On your back, your hair fans out across my pillow, a small smile on your full lips and your arms stretched above your head—you look so beautiful, so incredibly sexy. A choked sob catches in my throat. I know I was meant to see you this way. Not _him_. I silently pray that he never will, that you've changed your mind.

However hopeless it feels.

I settle myself between your legs, my lips hovering and tickling the soft hairs as I take a deep breath and inhale how much you want me. I lower my mouth, placing one kiss right on your clit.

You fist your hands in the sheets and bite your lip. I know you're trying to be quiet. Maybe you're still slightly embarrassed. But you shouldn't be. I've never heard more beautiful sounds than the moans and squeaks and my name as it slips from your lips.

The rain starts to fall a little harder, dark clouds are moving in and blackening out the sun, and I can pretend for just a little longer it's not yet morning.

I kiss your sex again, lingering this time; my hands on your hips hold you in place.

I feel smug. I can't help it because_ I_ have made you feel this way. I have made you lose control.

I let my tongue out, flicking your bud gently and then sucking it back into my mouth.

"Oh, god... Jake..." you moan. It's all the encouragement I need. I lick unhurriedly down your slit and back up, taking my time to enjoy your sweet juices. You taste so good.

But I know you need more.

I plunge my tongue inside you, lapping at the wetness. I feel you already starting to tremble in my arms, and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to bury myself inside you and fuck you senseless.

But I want this to be about you. I want you to understand. I want to make you see. Can't you see, Bells? I love you; I need you; I can make you happy. You wouldn't have to give up anything.

Except _him_. But I can give you more. Why won't you let me?

I can fix it. I can fix you. I can be enough.

My lips once again kiss your sensitive bundle, my fingers stroke your inner thigh, slowly rising up and then diving inside.

"Jacob, Jacob, Jacob..." you chant, and I'm aching to make you mine. Your hands find purchase in my hair, tugging and pulling the short strands as my curling and pumping fingers bring you closer to the edge.

A loud crack of thunder downs out your cries as you give in.

It's only a few more seconds before you can no longer speak, your whole body shaking with the force of your orgasm. I slowly remove my fingers, my lips slowing down to just softly kiss you.

You don't move, and your eyes are still closed, your breathing still labored.

But I'm not done.

I start slowly kissing my way up your beautiful body. You're so soft, every inch of your skin beckons me, and I just can't get enough. I don't know how to give you up. Not now. I continue my ascent until I'm hovering above you, our lips but a breath apart.

"Bella," I whisper huskily. Your deep brown eyes open, half-hooded and trying to focus on my face. I bring my hand up, resting my weight on the opposite elbow, and stroke your flushed cheek. I can't finish my sentence; I just sigh heavily. I want to tell you again how much I love you, want you, and I desperately want to beg you to stay. _I need you, Bells._ I can feel the words burning on my tongue, sticking to the roof of my mouth.

But you already know.

I kiss you, our lips melding together intimately and effortlessly. Your soft breasts brush against my chest when you wantonly arch your back. I can't wait any longer. I need you now.

I grab my length and line myself up with your entrance, pushing the tip in—_fuck, you're so tight and warm and wet_. I take a deep breath to steady myself and then lock my eyes with yours.

I need to see you, and I want you to see me as I make love to you. I push inside you slow and steady. My dick slips so easily between your slick folds, like you were meant just for me.

I know you feel that, too.

I rest my weight on one elbow, once again bringing my hand up to cup your face, the tips of my fingers tangling in your soft curls. Can you see that, Bells? The love that I wear so transparently in my eyes for you? Can't you feel how perfectly we fit together? The way my heart beats only for you?

I know you do.

I kiss you longingly with the mix of desperation and desire that I feel overwhelmingly as it pumps through my veins and bleeds onto my lips.

Your long, luscious legs wrap around my waist, and your hips buck up to meet mine. I slowly pull out and thrust back inside. I know you must still be sore from last night, and I try to give you a moment to adjust, but with the way you feel—so hot and tight wrapped around me—I have to close my eyes momentarily to keep myself from fucking you hard, the way I need to.

Last night, when you showed up here with your eyes red and puffy, shivering in your rain-soaked clothes, I wasn't sure what to do. I was angry and hurt, and I wanted to push you away, even if I knew I never could.

The look in your dark, soulful eyes was unmistakable, even if I'd never seen it there before.

And the moment your soft lips met mine, I couldn't rip your clothes off fast enough. I had to have you; I had to show you how much I love you because all the words have seemed to fail.

Your hips rise to meet mine again, and I can't hold back any longer. My hands grip your hips, sliding back to hold onto your ass, and I thrust into you hard and fast. Your fingers cling to my flexing biceps, trying to curl around the muscle, your nails digging into my flesh.

The mixture of pain and pleasure is so sweet. It spurs me on. My head falls to the crook of your neck, my lips just barely brushing against your skin. I feel your cool ragged breath at my ear, hear your soft moans and my name coming from your lips in an achingly beautiful breathy whisper.

I feel your heat squeezing around me, and it's so goddamn perfect I shove into you harder and faster, over and over again, until I feel your body start to tremble, and an involuntary shudder travels down my spine, and I just let go as I give you this last piece of myself.

I collapse, my arms wrapping all the way around your body and hugging you to me. My eyes are wet, and I let my tears fall unashamedly against your skin.

"Bella," I whisper, my voice strangled and thick, the emotions so overwhelming that I feel suffocated beneath them. My throat is closing; the pain in my chest tightens unbearably, and I whisper the only words I can manage, hoping you'll understand...

"Choose me."


	2. Chapter 2 I Surrender

**BPOV**

It seems like these days all I can think about is you. Your strong arms wrapped around me while I sleep. I ache for that. Your husky voice, your smile, your strong hand curled around mine.

I know I don't even have a right to these thoughts. The guilt eats at me. Even in my dreams I hear the ticking of the clock.

But isn't it already too late? Hasn't it always been too late for us?

Sometimes I miss you so much, I feel like I have a hole in my gut. Sometimes I can't breathe.

But I chose him. Not you.

And he's...or was everything to me. I thought. Now all my carefully laid plans, all my impulsive decisions, everything I thought was right and real and good...

Is all jumbled up inside my head. Nothing makes sense anymore.

It's raining. I watch as the droplets plop against the window pane and slide down in lazy rivulets. He's been gone for three days, and instead of panic or longing all I feel is relief. The longer I sit here staring out the kitchen window, watching the sky darken with thicker rain clouds, aching for you, a desperate sort of feeling starts to come over me. It starts low in my gut, and expands through my limbs, tingling and shaking me until I'm suddenly up on my feet.

Three seconds later I'm out the door.

By the time I drive through the rain to your house and run to your front door, I'm soaked to the skin. I'm shaking and shivering from the cold summer rain, but I barely feel the chill puckering my skin.

When you open the door, your eyes flash with emotions. First confusion, then anger, then disbelief. Just as those deep dark pools melt into desire, I fling myself into your arms, and press my lips to yours.

The passion, the fire that suddenly ignites doesn't shock me. I don't gasp from surprise, instead I melt into your arms, I wrap my legs around your waist, and rake fingers through your hair.

Every part of this feels right.

Easy.

Isn't that what you told me? That we'd be easy as breathing?

Now I really understand what you meant.

Your lips are hungry but tender. Your touch so perfect, claiming me and loving me in equal measure. Within in a few minutes, both our clothes are gone. My eyes are wide and locked on yours. The love you wear so transparently in your eyes for me brings a sudden rush of tears to my eyes.

"Bella," your husky voice says my name. And I can hear in that one word all the things you've ever said to me. All the promises, the declarations. Everything.

It's in this moment, when you slide inside me, when your lips softly part mine, that I become yours.

"Bella," you say again. And you whisper a thousand promises, a thousand more declarations into my skin. You kiss my neck, my breasts, and between my legs.

I surrender.

Everything about this moment is perfect. Somewhere distantly I feel guilty. I know Edward doesn't deserve this. But I can't argue with how right this feels. When I chose him, my heart was broken, but today, tonight, wrapped in your arms, I suddenly feel whole.

Maybe I'm still confused. I don't understand how I could love him so desperately, and how it's nothing compared to the intense passion, the deep connection that I feel with you.

I cling to your broad shoulders and lift my hips to meet your thrusts. As if you can feel the warring emotions inside me, you pull back, and lock your eyes on mine.

How can I leave you again after this? I can see it in your eyes, in your face, that it would destroy you.

Am I going to destroy him too?

"Bella," you murmur softly, leaning your forehead against mine. Your fingers slide between our sweaty bodies and touch me. In a matter of seconds, I'm screaming out your name as I feel like my whole word explodes.

It is morning. I know it. Even the soft dull light that filters in through your window is harsh enough to bring me back to reality. But I still can't bring myself to leave. And I don't know how to stay.

I love him. I love you.

Those are the only truths I know. I can't seem to reconcile what I thought I needed, wanted, couldn't live without with what happened last night.

I had chosen him.

Or had I? I never really gave you a chance, any opportunity. I never even let myself consider the possibility of you.

I don't know how to choose you.

I spent weeks pretending, lying to myself that I didn't love you. That you could never be enough to fill the empty space of him. But the moment your lips touched mine and I felt your hot hands on my skin, I knew it wasn't true.

Still, I chose him.

You reach for me. Even in your sleep you are always touching me. You're lying on your stomach, your face in the pillow, your left arm thrown over my body, your heat scorching my skin.

I feel so torn. I love him, Jake. I do. I don't know if you really even believe that. But it's true. The instant spark and connection I felt with him was like a blazing inferno that totally consumed me and my life. And even though the flames have died down, the memory of it still burns so bright that I still feel it lingering in my veins.

Your hand slowly moves up my bare torso, your breathing still deep and rhythmic. I never knew how much I craved your touch. And now I am not sure I can live without it.

When I open my eyes, your lips are ghosting across my skin, and my whole world has shifted. I feel the worry and the fear, the desperation and longing in every kiss, in your every touch. I can see the questions, the promises, the words you want to say in your eyes.

But instead of voicing any of these things, you kiss me. Long and deep.

I surrender.

You make love to me with everything inside you. You give me every single part of you. Even your tears.

"Choose me..."

I cradle your face with my hands and stare into your dark watery eyes. A million images flicker across my mind. If he was a raging burning inferno at first, you've been like a slow burn that has claimed me, lit me from within, and seeped into my bones. Every kiss fans the flame.

Can I let him go?

I don't know how many minutes have passed, when you whisper, soft and low, "Please Bella, give me a chance."

And I don't know if it's what you said, or what happened last night and this morning, or the look in your eyes and the way your voices cracked on my name, or the raw guttural honesty, but...

I kiss you. I press my lips solidly against yours. Just as you go to deepen the kiss, I pull back, our lips still brushing against one another and whisper, "Yes."

And when you make love to me again, you aren't just asking for me to stay, but claiming me, telling me.

I surrender.


End file.
